I qualified from the University of Kwa-Zulu Natal with my Masters degree (cum laude) in Counselling Psychology in 2000 and I completed my internship at the Centre for Applied Psychology at the University of KZN in 2001. Once qualified, I worked in London for three years in a drug rehabilitation centre where I gained my passion for working with addictions. In 2004 I returned to South Africa and I have been in private practice for the last 8 years. During this time I have worked extensively with addictions of all kinds, and I have developed a second passion for marriage and relationship counselling.

I am eclectic in my therapeutic style, and I tailor my approach to suit each individual. I primarily use Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Transactional analysis (TA), Ego state Therapy and Solution Focussed Therapy (SFT). I work with multiple different levels of any issue, from practical goal setting or communication skills, to challenging dysfunctional thoughts and beliefs, to shifting unconscious pressures, patterns and resistances. I provide a completely non-judgemental space wherein my clients can release repressed emotion and integrate all parts of themselves in order to live more consciously.

Services

Marriage or couple therapy:

 Marriages and long term relationships inevitably encounter times of conflict. In these times we have a choice: to allow the conflict to fester and destroy the relationship; or the work through it and grow both individually and as a couple.  The problem is that we often cannot see our way out of the miscommunications or negative patterns that have emerged in our relationships.

In marriage counselling you can:

• Learn speak in a way that your partner will be able to hear you, and to listen in a way that you can really understand them
• Learn to see each other’s motives clearly
• Work through hurts or betrayals in the relationship and rebuild trust
• Work through past relationship hurts and rebuild your ability to trust
• Work on childhood triggers that create unhelpful reactions to your partner
• Improve your self-perceptions of what you deserve in a relationship
• Change unconscious negative perceptions or patterns that damage your relationship

LQBTQIA+ affirming  and relationship therapy:

The world is finally learning to accept people for who they are, however that change is slow and not yet consistent in every community. For that reason, many members of the LGBTQIA+ community have experienced, or are still experiencing judgement, stigmatisation, discrimination or rejection from family, friends, peers, colleagues or society at large. These experiences or messages from the world are often internalised and create an internal struggle for self-acceptance. Even when an LGBTQIA+ person is confident in their identity on the surface, there may still be a hidden struggle with self-criticism or feeling not good enough. Therapy can identify the sources of this internal struggle for self-worth and help to develop strategies to foster authentic self-acceptance.

LGBTQIA+  relationships are susceptible to many of the same sources of conflict as heterosexual relationships; however there are also some unique challenges that face homosexual relationships and relationships between people with diverse gender identities. These issues vary in each individual relationship, and therapy can help to identify the core of the conflict and work on specific, individualised strategies to resolve the issues. The therapeutic process can also address individual issues in each partner that may be impacting on the relationship. Every combination of sexual orientations or gender identities deserves an affirming space to work through relationship challenges.

Family therapy:

Family dynamics can have a significant impact on individual members and can create life-long self-perceptions and beliefs about the world. Because families are often the source of our deepest insecurities, conflict within families can be exceptionally hurtful and difficult to cope with. Family therapy can assist in fostering communication and understanding between family members and resolving conflict.  In family therapy, individual members can also develop an understanding of the origins of their relationship patterns that may be affecting other relationships or may affect future relationships with friends, spouses or children.

Finding a lasting relationship:

• It may be that you struggle with finding the right person or have trouble developing intimacy;
• Or it may be that you find it easy to fall in love, but staying in love is the problem;
• Or you it may be that you repeatedly choose partners that hurt and reject you.

No matter where your issue lies, difficulties finding or maintaining a healthy and lasting relationship almost always stem from childhood dynamics. Even the best parents cannot be perfect, and our early attachments create unconscious patterns of relating that we tend to play out in endless self-fulfilling prophesies. Understanding and changing the beliefs that you developed in early life can allow you to change the template through which you view relationships, so that you can choose a more appropriate partner and develop a healthy lasting relationship.

Ego state therapy and inner child work

We all have different versions of ourselves that come to the surface at different times. These personas are known as ego states. Sometimes we consciously decide to use a certain persona or ego states in particular situations and at other times different ego states take over our behaviour without our conscious control. This is usually the case when we become triggered by something and we behave in ways that are not appropriate to the situation or are not who we usually are. We all have a primary ego state, often referred to as the Adult, that is our most authentic and rational self. When we shift into an ego state other than our primary adult ego state, that will cause us to perceive situations through the lens of that ego state and react in ways that we imagine will protect us, even though these form of self protection are usually unhealthy.

Most ego states form in reaction to life circumstances. Some ego states can be healthy, whilst other may have been formed as unhealthy ways of dealing with difficult situations or may come from situations that are past and no longer exist and are therefore unhelpful in the present.  For example one might have developed a ‘victim child’ ego state during childhood trauma. This ego state might be triggered in situations that even vaguely remind us of the past and may cause us to perceive the situation through a lens of self pity and respond in ways that attempt to evoke sympathy from others. Ego state therapy can create awareness of these ego states and their triggers, and develop strategies to remain in Adult and avoid shifting into unhealthy ego states.

Most unhealthy ego states are distorted versions of the child ego state and therefore working with the inner child can be helpful in healing the hurts that caused the formation of the ego states. This usually involves teaching your Adult ego state to parent your inner child in a healthy way. For example the ‘victim child’ ego state could be caused by a lack of nurturance in childhood. Learning to nurture your own inner child can reduce the feeling of deprivation that might trigger the victim child ego state to bid for sympathy as a way to gain the lacked nurturance.

Drugs and alcohol Addiction:

Addiction occurs on two different levels, both of which create intense and almost irresistible urges and craving to repeat the drug use, even in the face of over whelming negative consequences to health, finances, relationships, etc.  Physiologically addiction to a substance is when your body adapts itself to incorporate the drug into its normal functioning so you may experience severe withdrawal symptoms when the drug is not consumed. Psychological addiction is when your brain creates an instinctual connection between the drug and the experience of pleasure or alleviation of physical or emotional pain.

In order to overcome addiction it is essential to get medical and psychological help. Therapy can assist in overcoming addictions by:

• Identifying triggers and warning signs for drug use;
• Changing unconscious beliefs and conscious thinking patterns;
• Improving life skills and daily functioning;
• Creating support structures.

And by addressing:

• Relationship problems;
• Self-esteem issues;
• Underlying emotional pain, trauma, or psychological disorders.

Pornography Addiction:

Pornography addiction is an issue that has been only recently been acknowledged by the medical community as having a psychological basis, and many people who suffer from this addiction continue to live in secret shame. Pornography addiction operates in a similar manner to any other psychological addictions. The viewing of the pornography releases pleasure chemicals in the brain, much like consuming a drug, and therefore viewing pornography can provide a period of relief from psychological discomfort such as stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, relationship conflict, etc. The human brain is programmed to repeat behaviours that create pleasure or reduce pain and so the brain creates a powerful unconscious association between pornography and positive feelings, known as reinforcement. Even though there may be significant negative consequences to the person’s behaviour in the longer term, the positive connection has already been made in the brain and they are instinctively driven back to the behaviour, particularly when they are experiencing emotional discomfort.

Therapy can assist with pornography addiction on many different levels so that it becomes possible to make changes in the addiction that are easier to maintain.

• Learn about the unconscious motivators and patterns that perpetuate the addiction
• Alleviate the vicious cycle of guilt and shame by understanding the nature of addiction
• Make changes in the issues causing psychological discomfort that trigger pornography use
• Find ways to communicate the issue with loved ones, thereby reducing the additional issues of deception and dishonesty
• Assist loved ones understand the nature of pornography addiction and thereby reduce judgement and foster constructive support towards change

Over eating:

Being over-weight is perceived by society as a simple issue of poor eating and exercise habits that can be changed self-discipline. However, more there has been an increasing understanding in the medical community that over eating has many parallels with addiction, and is caused by a complex interaction between physical and psychological issues. Psychologically speaking, over eating is usually the result of unconscious beliefs and feelings that motivate unhealthy eating behaviours. Many people believe that guilt and shame will motivate them or others to change, when in fact it creates self-sabotage, rebellion and unhappiness that prevents change. When you change the unconscious beliefs and patterns that have shaped your eating behaviour, the lifestyle changes you make become natural and easier to maintain.

In therapy the over-eater can:

• Identify the core beliefs, thought patterns and feelings that motivate eating
• Identify the self-fulfilling prophesies and vicious cycles that perpetuate over eating
• Develop self-acceptance and to reduce guilt and shame
• Change unconscious motivators for over-eating, and resistances to healthy life style
• Set realistic goals for health that are not about social acceptability
• Focus on gaining health not losing weight
• Learn to exercise to energising the body not to punish it

Depression

Depression is a real and serious issue and it is important that someone suffering from depression should receive psychological treatment. There are some specific warning signs that can indicate the presence of a depression:

• Depressed mood, sadness, tearfulness or irritability;
• Changes in appetite or weight, either an increase or decrease could be significant;
• Changes in sleeping patterns, either insomnia or excessive sleeping;
• Social withdrawal and lack of desire to be with other people;
• Decreased desire to take part in activities that were previously enjoyed;
• Decreased sex drive, if appropriate.

Depression can have many causes and can take many different forms. A psychologist will be able to diagnose the type of depression and create a management plan that may include referrals to other health professionals in conjunction with psychotherapy. Therapy can assist by identifying and changing the negative core beliefs that can contribute to depressed thoughts and feelings. It can assist in changing negative thinking patterns and developing different perspectives. It can allow the client a space to express and deal with repressed feelings; and it can assist in developing coping strategies and communication skills.

Anxiety

Anxiety comes in many different forms, and can vary from mild to severe and debilitating. It can take the form of generalised anxiety; social anxiety; phobias; or even panic attacks. There are some signs that suggest that anxiety is becoming problematic:

• Worried thoughts and feeling that are disproportionate to the situation;
• Difficulty controlling anxiety, trouble relaxing, or intrusive worrisome thoughts;
• Sleep disturbances;
• Irritability, concentration difficulties, or feeling easily worn out;
• Anxiety accompanied by physical symptoms, such as rapid heart rate, sweating, shaking, difficulty breathing, or chest pain.

These symptoms are likely to occur in specific situations or can be triggered by certain things or events; or they may occur without an obvious reason.

Anxiety involves a complex interaction between the brain and the body, and treatment needs to address the anxiety on multiple different levels. Therapy can assist to challenge and change the beliefs and thoughts that trigger and perpetuate the anxiety response. Most feelings are activated

by thoughts, which cause the release of chemicals in the body and the brain. If you can develop skills to alter your thinking patterns, you can change which chemicals are released and therefore change the way you feel both mentally and physically. Therapy can also teach you breathing and relaxation techniques to reduce the physical anxiety symptoms.

Life issues:

Although the stigma around seeking psychological help has lessened in recent years, there remains a social perception that therapy is a last resort that a person turns to when they are not strong enough or capable enough to deal with a psychological problem on their own. Many people feel that their issue is not severe enough to seek therapy or that if they just ignore their problem it will go away on its own. The reality is that small problems have a tendency to snowball into bigger problems, and therefore the sooner an issue can be dealt with, the better. In any life issue, therapy can assist you to deal with the problem so that it does not continue to create future difficulties. It can assist you to deal with any underlying feelings or beliefs that may have contributed to the development of the issue so that a similar issue does not develop in future.